I feel humiliated and terrible at the same time.
So, I had this exam on Modern Hungarian History. The professor expects us to study an entire 600-page book—and she doesn’t specify what exactly we need to know. Nothing is outlined, nothing is highlighted. You’re just supposed to learn everything. She can ask about anything from the book.
Honestly, it’s worse than a szigorlat (comprehensive final oral exam), because at least those come with a clear list of topics to prepare from. Here, there was nothing. And I only had two weeks to prepare.
So, I created a summarized version of the book and studied day and night. I really gave it everything I had. But during the exam, she asked several questions I just couldn’t answer. At one point, she asked when Jewish emancipation happened in Hungary. It didn’t even occur to us that it was in 1867—during the Austro-Hungarian Compromise. That’s when she told us we were going to fail.
Before that, she had said we might be worth a grade 2 (the lowest passing mark), but after that mistake, it seemed all was lost. Then my classmate got really upset and started explaining our situation—how impossible it is to meet these expectations, how he’s working, has two kids, and just can’t handle this pressure anymore. He even said he’s giving up on becoming a history teacher.
That’s when the professor said, “Fine. I’ll give you both a 2.”
We passed—but it felt so humiliating. Both of us walked away feeling hopeless. How are we going to survive next year? We still have another subject with her. We barely scraped by this time.
But I also know this: even when everything feels hopeless, you can’t give up. You never know when strength will show up again.